各位朋友：
宗薩欽哲仁波切於新加坡的一位弟子 (TM) 已於2006年3月23辭世。以下是他的妻子與大家分享的心路歷程，非常感人且真實，而這也是我們每個人都會面臨的掙扎與挑戰。所以不才略翻，望與大家分享。
另外由於TM希望能夠儘快轉世，再度跟隨仁波切，成為他的弟子。如果大家可以，希望能一起幫助他迴向，祈願他在轉世後，能夠儘早地、且毫無任何障礙地找到仁波切，跟隨他修學佛法。感謝。
AIDA
Dear friends,
親愛的朋友們，
I’m sending this story on behalf of Cheau Ho, the wife of Tay Tuang Mee (TM). TM had just passed away on 23 March 2006. His wife would like to thank everybody who had been around to support them. She would also like to convey her special thanks to Emily for her ability to relate Rinpoche’s instructions to her in such a calm and clear voice and for reporting so accurately about TM’s condition to Rinpoche.
我謹代表Cheau Ho——Tay Tuang Mee(TM)的妻子，把這個故事分享給大家。TM已在2006年3月26日離開了人世。他的妻子感謝曾經圍繞在他們身邊幫助的每一個人。亦非常感謝Emily，清楚無誤地將TM的狀況報告給仁波切，並且以非常穩定且清晰的聲音傳達了仁波切的指示。
With the help of my Dharma friends Frank Lee and Ng Ching Ee, I have written this story based on Cheau Ho’s account of what had happened. It is our wish that the story would serve as an inspiration to all readers and motivates everyone to practice hard.
在法友Frank Lee和Ng Ching Ee的幫助下，我將Cheau Ho敘述經過寫成了這篇故事。我們希望這個故事能夠賦予啟發，並激勵我們更認真的修行。
Cheau Ho would like to request that all merits be dedicated to TM, for him to meet Rinpoche again as soon as he has taken rebirth and continue to receive teachings from him.
Cheau Ho希望能將所有功德迴向給TM，他希望能儘快轉世，再度成為仁波切的學生，繼續接受法教。
Please feel free to circulate it to whoever whom you think may benefit from it.
只要您認為這篇文章能對眾人有所助益，歡迎流傳。
Best wishes to all,
Jing Rui
******************************************************
I never imagined that this would happen. Just two months ago I was still thinking to myself, "Though it's been taught that life is full of suffering, things are actually going quite well for me." Little did I expect that just two months down the road, everything in my life changed drastically - my husband, my spiritual friend, the loving father of my two young kids, left us all in a sudden.
我從未預料這樣的事會發生。就在二個月前，我還這樣想：「即使不斷被教導著世間充滿了痛苦，但其實我的生活過得還算不錯。」卻絲毫未料到僅僅兩個月後，我生命中的每一件事都徹底改變了——我的丈夫、我的心靈伴侶，我二個稚子所摯愛的父親，突然間離開了我們。
On 24 Feb 2006, TM was diagnosed to have jaundice. On 27 Feb 2006, he was admitted to the hospital for cirrhosis (hardening of liver).
2006年2月24日，TM被診斷得了黃疸。2月27日，因肝硬化送進醫院。
We immediately sent email to our root guru, Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, to request for his advice. We were not sure if Rinpoche would read the email, as he was undergoing retreat at that time.
我們馬上發了封電子郵件給我們的根本上師宗薩欽哲仁波切，希望得到他的建議。但無法確定仁波切是否能夠看到這封信，因為他當時正進行閉關。
Just within a week, the doctor informed us that TM's kidney was failing too. We were told that TM may need to go through dialysis. This made me really anxious and afraid, as I was aware that dialysis was a very painful process and I really did not want TM to go through such torment.
就在一週內，醫生告知我們TM的腎正在衰竭中。被告知可能得洗腎，這讓我們既焦慮又驚惶，因為知道洗腎是個非常痛苦的過程，而我真的不願TM遭受這樣的折磨。
I frantically sent several emails to Rinpoche again, requesting him to help TM. However, we still did not receive any reply. Feeling very desperate, I suggested to TM that we could approach other teachers/Rinpoches to help him. However, TM rejected the suggestion. He said firmly, "All the blessings and teachings given by Rinpoche (root guru) would be enough for me. If all these still don't help, then nothing else could work."
我瘋狂地連發多封電郵給仁波切，請求他幫助TM。無論如何，我們仍然沒有收到任何回音。感到非常絕望，我建議TM另找別的仁波切幫忙。但TM拒絕了這個建議。他堅定地說：「對我而言，任何來自宗薩仁波切(根本上師)的加持與教授，就已足夠。如果這些都沒有用，那也沒有任何(的人或事)能有幫助。」
Not long after that, I received a phone call from Ang, who passed me the message that Rinpoche asked me to call him up. I called Rinpoche and we spoke through the help of Emily. (Rinpoche was not able to speak directly to me as he was still in retreat.) I was advised to offer $1000 to the giving of life (animal release) in the name of TM.
過沒多久，我接到一通來自Ang的電話，他告訴我，仁波切要我直接打電話給他。我打電話給仁波切，Emily居中傳話。(由於正處閉關中，仁波切無法與我直接對話。)仁波切要我以TM的名字，放生美金1000元。
I still vividly remember that on the morning before the animal release, the doctor warned me that TM's kidney was in pretty bad shape.
我仍清楚地記得就在放生前那個早晨的事，醫生警告我TM的腎狀況已經非常差了。
To our surprise, on the same day after the animal release, we were informed that TM's kidney unexpectedly responded to the medication and turned around. Furthermore, the liver condition had stabilized!
但令人非常驚訝的是，就在那一天放生後沒多久，我們被告知TM的腎無預期的突然對藥物有了反應，狀況好轉。並且肝的狀況也穩定多了！
Meanwhile, Rinpoche also requested OT Rinpoche (Orgyen Topgyal Rinpoche) to conduct a Amitayus Drubchen for TM.
就在同時，仁波切亦要求OT仁波切〈烏金多傑仁波切〉為TM舉行一場長壽佛的竹千法會。
By the third week of March 2006, TM's lungs were infected (pneumonia) and he had to rely on the ventilator to breathe. I felt extremely helpless as I watched TM's situation deteriorate day by day. I was at my wits' end. As I walked along the same corridor to see the doctor everyday, my heart was thumping madly, my head was swirling and my body felt so light that it as if I was floating. Everyday, it was as though I was walking on the road to hell. I felt like I was going crazy.
在3月的第三週，TM感染了肺炎，得要依賴呼吸器才能呼吸。眼看著TM狀況日愈惡化，我感到極度無助。茫然不知所措的我，每天走在相同的走廊去見醫生，我的心瘋狂地捶擊，頭暈眩不已，渾身無力就像是飄在半空中一樣。每一天，就像走向地獄之路一般。我覺得整個人快要瘋了。
Rinpoche was my only source of hope then, and I desperately clung on to this source of hope. It was only until now then I realized that Rinpoche had been dropping me many hints that TM was not going to make it.
那時候，仁波切是我唯一求助的對象，而我拼命地、不顧一切地，緊抓著這唯一的希望。一直到現在，我才真正的瞭解到：其實仁波切曾不斷地暗示我，TM不可能熬過這一關。
Rinpoche told me several times that the MO (divination) was not good. However, I was not ready to listen to this. Everyday, I kept begging Rinpoche to do more pujas for TM. I was literally trying to "squeeze out" some hope or good news from Rinpoche.
仁波切數度告訴我占卜的結果並不好。但無論如何，我毫無準備聽到這樣的答案。每一天，我都不斷地請求仁波切為TM舉行更多的法會。可以這麼說，我簡直是嘗試從仁波切「擠出」一些希望或是好消息。
Seeing my denial, Rinpoche tried to wake me up, "I should really tell you the truth. The MO is really no good. You have found the best doctor and we have done a lot of pujas for him. You have done the best for him in Singapore, and I have done the best for him in India."
看到我拒絕接受的態度，仁波切嘗試點醒我：「我應該告訴妳真相。占卜的結果真的很不好。你已經幫他找了最好的醫生，而我們已經幫他舉行許多的法會。你已經在新加坡盡了最大的努力，而我已經在印度幫他做了最大的努力。」
Still, I was not able to hear Rinpoche's message. Unable to accept the pending loss of TM, I persistently requested Rinpoche to conduct pujas for TM. Finally, Rinpoche said, "Let's wait for the MO to turn better before we do anymore puja."
但是，我仍舊無法聽懂仁波切所要說的事。無法去接受將要失去TM的事實，我仍然堅持請求仁波切為TM舉辦法會。最後，仁波切說：「等到占卜的結果有好轉之後，我們再幫他舉辦法會吧。」
Now as I recall these messages, I still feel deeply moved by Rinpoche's kindness. He was so skilful at helping me slowly understand and accept the fact that TM would never come home with me anymore.
現在當我回想到當初所接受到的訊息，我仍舊深深感動於仁波切的仁慈。他是如此地善巧地幫助我，慢慢地接受事實：TM將永遠無法回家和我相聚了。
At this point, TM was also beginning to lose spirit. Rinpoche encouraged him by saying, "If you can be a bit better, you can come and see me in Taiwan with a bit of hardship." This really motivated TM to become strong again.
就在這時，TM開始失去神智。仁波切為了鼓勵他，便說：「如果你身體能好轉，就能忍受一點不適，到台灣來看我。」這真的激勵了TM，讓他身體再度好轉。
Amid all the fear and anxiety I faced everyday, there were occasionally some encouraging signs. On 19 March 2006, TM told us that he dreamt of dakas coming and bringing him around Orchard Road (where the hospital was located). They even offered him food which was in the form of air. We continued to support TM by reminding him to practice and chanting alongside with him.
在每一天所面對的恐懼與焦慮中，有時仍會出現一些激勵人的跡象。3月19日，TM告訴我們，他夢見了許多勇父(dakas)來了，帶著他在醫院旁的Orchard路上繞，甚至給他像是空氣般的食物吃。我們並不斷地藉由在TM身邊修習與唱誦來鼓勵他。
By 21 March 2006, TM was gradually running into confusion. Just before he slipped into coma, TM suddenly asked me, "Where is my Vajrasattva?" I told him that it's ok, I'll chant Vajrasattva together with him.
3月21日，TM神智逐漸不清楚了。就在陷入昏迷之前，TM突然問我：「我的金剛薩埵在那裡？」我告訴他沒關係，就在那兒，而且我會和他一起持誦金剛薩埵。
When I contacted Rinpoche, he assured me that the "MO did not give up”. He instructed me to start chanting Om Mani Padme Hung for TM and to remind him of his Guru and his teaching.
當我連絡仁波切，他向我保證「占卜尚未表示放棄。」他指示我開始唱六字大明咒給TM，並且不斷提醒他上師以及所受過的教授。
By then, TM already became unconscious. He tried to pull off his mask and behaved very erratically. It was only when we got him a MP3 player which played the Om Mani Padme Hung chant repeatedly, then he began to calm down. We chanted by his bedside and constantly reminded him of Rinpoche and the teachings he received.
然後，TM開始陷入昏迷。他試著推開呼吸器，且行為異常。只有在我們放了一個MP3在旁邊，不斷地播放六字大明咒之後，他才安靜下來。在他身邊，我們不斷唱誦著，且持續地提醒他仁波切，以及他所受的教授。
Even in his state of unconsciousness, we noticed that TM kept moving his legs to the Sadhana position. I posted TM the question, "Are you doing Sadhana?" To my surprise, TM nodded his head, even though he was already in coma.
即使在他昏迷的狀況，我們注意到TM不斷地移動他的腳成儀軌中的姿勢。我問TM：「你在修儀軌嗎？」令人非常驚訝，即使他已經深陷昏迷中，TM竟點了點頭。
On 22 March 2006, I was informed that TM’s kidney had failed to function and that he had to be fed by tube only.
3月22日，我被告知TM的腎已經衰竭，只能經藉由管子吸收液態。
On 23 March 2006 morning, the doctor requested to see me immediately early in the morning. I had a feeling that the doctor wanted to pull off the plug on the life support system. As such, I called Rinpoche to ask for his advice. Rinpoche told me not to pull off the plug.
3月23日一大清早，醫生要求立刻見我。我有種感覺，覺得醫生會要我拔管，摘除他的生命維持器。因此我打電話給仁波切請求指示。仁波切要我別拔管。
I plucked up the courage to visit the doctor, who asked whether or not I wanted to resuscitate TM should his lungs collapse. I checked with the doctor whether or not I would be killing TM. The doctor informed me that TM was now fully reliant on the ventilator and there was no way for him to live on, so should his lungs collapse I would not be killing him. Realizing that there was no other way to sustain TM's life and hoping to shorten his pain, I told the doctor not to revive TM.
我鼓起勇氣去見醫生，他問我若當TM肺衰竭時，是否要進行急救。我和醫生討論若做出放棄的決定，是否等於殺了TM。醫生告訴我，TM現在已經全靠呼吸器維生，不太可能存活了，所以當他肺衰竭時，是無關我下了殺了他的指令與否。瞭解到已經無法再維持TM的生命之後，且希望減短他所受的痛苦，我告訴醫生不要急救。
After that, I immediately called Rinpoche to double check if I made the right decision. It surprised me when Rinpoche told me that I should resuscitate TM at least two times and make sure that the doctor does not pull off the plug! Rinpoche also told me very specifically that I must continue to chant Om Mani Padme Hung for TM and keep reading a message to him from Rinpoche.
之後，我立刻打電話給仁波切，再度確認我是否做了正確的決定。令我驚訝的是，仁波切告訴我應該至少急救TM兩次，且確定要醫生不要拔管！仁波切也特別地告訴我，應該持續地唱誦六字大明咒給TM聽，且不斷地唸仁波切的指示給他聽。
"Tuang Mee, death is happening to you. But do not worry, this is just another dream. You will see lots of vision and hear all kinds of sound. Just think of your root guru and Avalokiteshvara. Let go of all your attachment to your family and home. Chant Om Mani Padme Hung."
「Tuang Mee，死亡已經來臨了。但不要擔心，這只是另一場夢。你將會看到很多的景象，且聽到很多的聲音。只要牢牢地想著你的上師與觀世音菩薩。放掉你對家人所有的執著。唸誦六字大明咒。」
Following this phone call, I quickly informed the doctor that I've changed my mind and I wanted the hospital to resuscitate TM should his lungs collapse.
掛掉電話之後，我急忙通知醫生我改變了心意，當TM肺衰竭時，我要醫院進行急救。
My relatives and I then took turns to chant Om Mani Padme Hung with TM. I would also read Rinpoche's message to TM at regular intervals. Having to reading the message was an extremely agonizing and heartbreaking experience for me, as I really could not accept that death was happening to TM. However, upon hindsight, I realized how fortunate TM was - to have his guru tell him that he was dying and reminding him to let go of his attachment. It also helped me gradually to come to terms with the fact that TM was leaving us and I had to let go of him for his own benefit.
我和親戚們輪流在TM旁唱誦六字大明咒。我也持續間隔地對TM唸誦仁波切的指示。唸這指示對我而言，是場痛苦難忍，且心碎的過程，因為我實在無法接受TM即將死去的事。無論如何，當事情過後，我瞭解到TM是多麼的幸運——能有上師告訴他，他正面臨死亡，告訴他放掉執著。這亦逐漸地幫助我瞭解到TM將離開我們，而為了他好，我必須要放手。
It was only after TM's death then I learnt that on the morning of 23 March 2006, Rinpoche instructed some students, asking them to visualize him as Avalokiteshvara and chant Om Mani Padme Hung to dedicate to TM. He also stated that TM would pass away either on 23 March or 24 March 2006.
在TM往生之後我才知道，在3月23日早晨，仁波切曾要求某些學生，觀想他為觀世音菩薩，然後唱誦六字大明咒。他亦說過TM將在23或24日離開人世。
In the afternoon, one of Rinpoche's students came to visit us. He brought along two lamas who blessed TM and chanted for him. They also brought some precious nectar pills that were blessed by HH Dalai Lama. However, I thought that TM just did not have the merits to consume the nectar pills as he was no longer able to take in any solid food. At that point in time, the nurse brought in a bowl of water to feed TM through the tube. My Dharma brother suddenly thought of a brilliant idea - he crushed the nectar pills and mixed them into the water - and we requested the nurse to feed TM with the "nectar pill solution".
當天下午，仁波切的一位學生來看我們。他帶來兩位喇嘛為他加持與唱誦。他們亦帶來一些珍貴的甘露丸，是由達賴喇嘛所加持過的。但是，我想TM無法有足夠福報來接受這些甘露，因為他已經無法進食任何固體食物了。但就在那時候，護士進來帶了一瓶水，讓TM經由管狀餵食。我的法友突然想到非常棒的想法——他碾碎甘露丸然後混在水中，接著要求護士餵他這瓶“甘露丸水”。
Just about an hour after TM took the nectar pills, his lungs collapsed for the first time. As instructed by Rinpoche, we got the doctors to resuscitate him. After they managed to revive him, the doctor told me that it was quite a miracle for TM to survive given his current state.
就在TM用完這瓶甘露丸水約1個小時後，他的肺首度衰竭。遵照仁波切的指示，我們找來醫生幫他進行急救。就在他們急救之後，醫生告訴我TM能夠(回復到)現在這樣的狀況，真是一個奇蹟。
Because of this first collapse, TM was transferred from the common ward into the critical care unit, where he has a room by himself. This allowed us to chant Om Mani Padme Hung loudly inside the room, without having to worry about disturbing other patients. This gave us the conditions to chant for him and even to place an electric prayer wheel above his head. If we did not revive him, TM would have died in the common ward, where we would not have the opportunity to do all these for him.
因為第一次的衰竭，TM從普通病房被轉送到加護病房，這樣他就可以有自己的一間病房了。這使得我們可以在房內大聲地唱誦六字大明咒，而無需擔心去吵到其他病人。這讓我們不僅能替他唱誦，並且甚至能放一個電動的祈禱輪在他的頭上。如果我們沒有急救他，TM就可能死於普通病房，這樣我們就沒有機會可以幫他做這些事。
About two hours later, TM collapsed for the second time. We requested the doctor to resuscitate him again.
大約在2個小時後，TM再度衰竭。我們再度要求醫生急救。
At 7pm, TM collapsed for the third time. Not wishing to give up, I requested the doctor to revive him again. However, the doctor told me that nothing else can be done, as they had already set the medicine and the life support machine to the maximum. With support from friends and relatives, I continually chanted for TM and read him Rinpoche's message.
大約在7點，TM第三度衰竭。不願放棄，我再度要求醫生急救。但是醫生告訴我，沒有他們能夠再做的了，因為他們已經給了藥，且生命維持器也已經開到最大。在朋友與親戚的支持下，我們持續地為TM唱誦，且為他唸誦仁波切的訊息。
Finally, at 10.45pm, TM took his final breath. I called Rinpoche but he did not pick up the phone. At that instant, I was very sad and thought that Rinpoche had given up on TM.
最後，在晚間10:45，TM呼出了他最後一口氣。我打電話給仁波切，但他並未接電話，我非常悲傷，認為仁波切已經放棄TM了。
However, a few minutes later Rinpoche returned call. I told him that TM had left. Rinpoche said that he knew and he was actually in the midst of doing a puja for TM. As Rinpoche was talking to me, I could hear the sound of bells and chants in the background. Rinpoche also told me that he had to do a Phowa for TM immediately.
無論如何，幾分鐘後仁波切回電了。我告訴他TM已走了。仁波切說他知道，且他剛剛正好正在為TM修法。當仁波切跟我說話的時候，我還能聽到後面傳來的鈴聲與唱誦聲。仁波切也告訴我他得隨即為TM修頗瓦法。
About ten minutes later, Rinpoche called me again. He told me that he had done the Phowa for TM and that he was confident that TM will take a good rebirth. Rinpoche then instructed us to chant Namo Amitabha for TM.
大約在10分鐘後，仁波切再度打電話給我。他告訴我他已經幫TM修了頗瓦法，且他有把握TM已經有了一個好的轉生。仁波切隨後指示我們為TM唱誦長壽佛咒語。
We continued to chant for TM for about an hour, before we had to move TM's body to the funeral parlour. This arrangement was only possible because we followed Rinpoche's instructions to revive TM, which led him to be transferred to the critical care unit. If we had allowed him to die without reviving him, we would have been asked to move his body immediately.
在我們移靈殯儀館之前，我們持續為TM持咒約1個小時。這樣的安排只有可能在仁波切指示急救TM之後，因為這能讓他被轉送到加護病房。如果我們讓他就這樣離開，沒有急救，那我們就會被要求得要立刻移靈。
After we moved to the funeral parlour, we continued to chant into the night. By then, my relatives and I were all physically and emotionally drained. To our surprise, a group of Rinpoche's students appeared at about 3am to take over the chanting. It was such a great relief to me. It must be due to Rinpoche's blessing that all the right conditions and support came in at the right time.
在我們移靈殯儀館之後，我們整夜為他唸誦。然後，就在我和親戚們不論是體力或情緒都已面臨耗竭之際，令人驚訝地，一群仁波切的學生突然在3點出現，然後接手唱誦。這對我是個非常大的解脫。這只有可能是由於仁波切的加持，才能讓所有的幫助與情境都在最正確、最需要的時候出現。
After we completed eight hours of chanting, we even saw a rainbow appear on the West side of the sky.
當我們完成8小時的唱誦之後，我們甚至在西方的天空看到了一道彩虹。
Going through this whole process with TM was a very painful and tormenting experience for me. I am especially thankful to Rinpoche for his strong compassion and kindness to us. He was a shoulder to me during this whole period. He was so skilful at encouraging and motivating me. Rinpoche said that he was more worried for me than for TM and advised me to take care of myself. He told me that TM's life force was still there. This really gave me the strength to go on, as I thought that only by taking care of myself, then would I be able to take care of TM if he recovered. It was only until later when I was more ready to listen, then Rinpoche explained to me the full picture - that TM's life force was still there, but his merits to live were already exhausted.
經歷TM(罹病到辭世)，對我是場非常痛苦且折磨的過程。我特別感謝仁波切對我們無比的慈悲與仁慈。在整件事裡面，他對我而言是個倚賴的肩膀。他是如此的善巧地鼓勵、激勵著我。仁波切說他比較擔心我，勝於擔心TM，甚至建議我要照顧自己。他告訴我TM的生命力仍舊存在著。這真的給了我很大的力量去繼續下去，當我想著，唯有照顧自己，這樣如果TM復原了，我才能照顧他。只要在稍後，當我更願意去傾聽的時候，仁波切才對我解釋全盤狀況——即TM的生命力雖然仍然在那裡，但他繼續活在人世的福報已經盡了。
I remember that every time I talked to Rinpoche over the phone, he was always in a puja. I realized that sometimes when Rinpoche used the hand phone during pujas, he was actually answering to urgent calls like mine. I felt very touched, as Rinpoche was not concerned about how other people attending the puja perceived him, he only cared about what people needed from him - in this case, he attended to our need for his guidance and disregarded how other people might view him should they see him constantly using the hand phone during puja. I also felt ashamed of my own expectations that Rinpoche should be very strict during pujas and that I always wondered why Rinpoche would be answering phone calls. I realized how selfless Rinpoche is at helping people!
我記得每一次和仁波切通話的時候，他永遠都在舉行法會。我瞭解到有時候當仁波切在法會中用電話，他事實上正在解決著某些像我一樣的緊急事件。我覺得非常感動，當仁波切一點也不介意參加法會的人們會如何看他，他只關心人們需要的是什麼——以我們的狀況，他照顧著我們的需求，給予指引，且絲毫不顧那些參加法會的人看到他不斷的打電話。我亦對於我之前對仁波切的期待，認為他在法會中應該非常嚴肅而感到羞愧，我一直在想為何仁波切得要回答電話。我終瞭解到仁波切是如此無私地正在幫助著人們！
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"The very path you are given is the hindrance.
We love our theology. We love our ideas.
Buddhism is a path of *undoing*.
Removing the dirt is enlightenment.
We do not gain anything.
We *lose everything*."
我們被給予的真正修道是障礙。
我們愛自己的宗教理論。我們愛自己的想法。
佛法是個「解除所作」的道路。
去除垢染即是證悟。
我們並不得到任何東西。
我們「失去所有」。
~ 宗薩欽哲仁波切
- Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche
※ 轉載自 http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/serenalotus-blog/
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